Updated: Jun 24, 2019
Recently, I put this drama cycle cartoon with this post on Facebook:
"Science says negative dialogue resonates in every cell in our body. We aren't doing our friends or ourselves any favors when we allow them to tell their tale of woe over and over and over again. We can help our friends, family, and co-workers by asking them, 'That was then and this is now; how can I help you move forward from this? What is your new goal?'"
Most people understood the sentiment and the humor behind the post; a few did not. So, I thought it necessary to write further and add in some reasoning behind this extremely important aspect of our humanity. The truth is we are not helping ourselves, friends, and loved ones when we listen to or retell our emotionally-charged stories. The only time this is appropriate is when we are with someone who is expertly trying to help us seek healing from it; i.e. a therapist, counselor, psychologist, hypnotherapist, or trauma expert. Otherwise, doing so puts at a disadvantage; it puts us in the exact same emotional, physical, and mental state of being that the hurtful or dramatic episode created. Not resolving or healing from an emotionally-charged issue will allow it to fester for weeks, months, and years, fortifying the negative emotions and mental thoughts on a cellular level in our body and our subconscious. It can even change us on a genetic level (please watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1Pf5S8Nbfk for evidence of this). And not only are we putting ourselves in a weakened state when we retell our hurtful event over and over to friends and family, but they are feeling the emotional energy we are generating as well.
We can't help but walk into a future that we are emotionally and mentally preparing for. That means if we keep re-generating negative emotions and thoughts, we will keep walking into that exact same state of awareness and victim mentality. If we don't manipulate, heal, and lift out of it, we won't be able to reach a level of emotion any higher than those we are stuck in.
Here is an interesting study that explains the biological/biochemical/energetic change that our emotions create: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-face-adversity/201207/thoughts-neurotransmitters-body-mind-connection
Gregg Braden speaks about how our inner and outer dialogue affects our bodies and he offers proof of the power of positive emotion and thoughts to heal us. After all, if we believe that positive thinking and emoting creates coherence in our bodies, than how can we believe that thinking and emoting in the opposite direction won't have the opposite affect on our bodies and our future direction? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYRtFt2UTOA
Dr. Joe Dispenza teaches how we need to break the habit of being ourselves. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXrdVagSjjg
When our friends and loved ones want to rehash their hurtful stories over and over again, we can help them by turning them on to new ideas, thoughts, and emotions about their present moment and their future. That will help them rise up out of their perceived drama or even real trauma and seek the expert help they need to heal from them. If they have no desire to heal and instead want to stay right where they are emotionally and mentally, we can love them unconditionally, but we don't have to enable them by listening over and over again.
There are so many powerful ways to help ourselves lift out of a painful past. The key is willingness. Sometimes we can help another reach a state of willingness; sometimes we cannot. But if we truly want to help them, we can speak to them Soul to Soul without words. We can appeal to their Higher Sense of knowing by asking silently and directly, "What can I say or do that will truly help you?" Unconditional love always gives us the wisdom to find the right words and actions. And of course, there is always prayer!
My job as a coach is not to listen to my clients' woes; their therapists do that. As a wellness coach, I help people set goals; I seek out their innate gifts and inner strength. Then I help them utilize all of it to take them where they want to go. Here are just a tiny few self-help techniques I use myself and offer to those who are willing to move forward in love, peace, forgiveness, strength, and harmony. And if you have a technique to offer, please share!
Letting go: Music to readjust the body and mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsHJHcGCGU8&t=3594s
Tapping our way to emotional and mental freedom-- (EFT) with Brad Yates: https://www.youtube.com/user/eftwizard/search?query=healing+from+the+past
Overcoming stress with the healing code: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQM00mQZZpU
Meditating our way back to balance... so many to choose from, but here is just one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=za5nVIJKLRs
An Hawaiian prayer that heals: https://www.hooponopono.org/
I personally swear by the release of negative emotions that become trapped within our our bodies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26zoFKZzbQc
Clearing our hearts; letting go of what we don't need so we can let in what we really want. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rokryff_3A0
A helpful message and mantra from My Mini Book of Mighty Mantras:
A “recall-a-holic” is what we become when we constantly repeat and replay a hurtful event in our own mind, out loud to the person who hurt us, or to anyone that will listen. In order to stop perpetuating the negative and unproductive energy this behavior creates, we will need to stop lamenting about the past and start living in the present. We should make a decision every day to move forward exerting our mental and emotional energy on what will instigate positive forward movement. “All my words reflect the amazing future I am choosing to walk into.”